How is stress affecting your life? Chances are, if you’re reading this blog, you’re concerned about how stress is affecting your life. Long term stress is not good for us, nor for our families and loved ones.  

We recently posted a blog on Cortisol and Toxic Stress and how this hormone, now called the stress hormone, can affect your weight and even your relationship with food. (Cravings, anyone?)

So although we started our conversation about stress, I want to go back  to it, to continue to shine some light on it. In this article, we take  take a deeper dive into how stress can turn into distress, and how we might challenge ourselves to “cambiar el chip,” and take better care of ourselves.

What is Stress? A simple definition of stress is that it is our body’s reaction to change. All of us have stress; it is a universal human condition. But what about when stress turns into distress? And what about when being in distress is your new normal?  Do you feel irritable and tense a lot of the time? Do you have trouble sleeping at night or do you feel like you sleep too much? Do you feel like you are in a constant state of “nervous?” Does this sound like you? You might be experiencing what psychologists call “emotional distress.”   

In their excellent book on change, Changing for Good, A Revolutionary Program for Overcoming Bad Habits and Moving Your Life Positively Forward, Prochaska and his colleagues, Drs. Norcross and DiClemente, talk about emotional distress as the “fever of mental health,” and when I read it being described in that manner, it made perfect sense to me.  

I remember my tías talking about their friends or relatives who were going through hard times…“Pobre, Gloria, she has suffered so much.” They would worry that Tía Gloria could get sick from suffering so much. Often, you would hear them say things like, “Le puede hacer daño al corazón.” (Fear that her suffering could harm her heart.)  And those of us in the younger generation would roll our eyes, at what we perceived to be an Old Mexican Wives’ Tales. But now research is telling us exactly what our elders told us, and that is that long-term stress, AKA suffering, can make us physically and/or mentally sick.

Latinas are used to aguantar, putting up with unpleasant life events just to keep on keeping on. We are experts at putting a positive spin on things. Often, we are the rock of the family and rocks are strong and sometimes indestructible. But as resilient as we are, it is important to open our eyes and take a good look at what is really going on so we can manage our stress and prevent it from becoming distress. Call it long term stress, toxic stress, distress or sufrimeiento. Whatever you call it, this kind of emotional turmoil can lead to more serious problems such as anxiety and depression.  

We come from a culture that denies a lot of things when things go wrong. We pretend that everything is okay when it’s not. Nos hacemos de la vista gorda. (Vista gorda doesn’t mean your vision is fat. It’s a colorful expression that means to “to turn a blind eye.”)

We go into denial. And sometimes, Comadres, we need a little garden variety denial to get us through the day. But today, I just want to nudge you a little bit to get you to pay attention to your stress levels.

When stress turns into distress, it’s bound to wear you out and wear you down. When this happens, we cope in the best ways we can, but it’s not always pretty, nor healthy.  

I don’t know about you, but when I get stressed to my limit, I want cake. (Preferably chocolate cake. There is a great bakery in Santa Fe – The Chocolate Maven – and when I get stressed, my car knows the way. When I’m in Portland, I ride my bike to the bakery and that always feels more righteous.) And look, who can deny that once-in-a-while, cuando ya no aguantas, indulging in a piece of cake, ain’t going to kill you.  

But the important point here is that cake is a mean mother. She can turn on you if you don’t watch it. One minute she’s telling you, “There, there,” and the next, she’s telling you “You’re a bad girl and deserve to be punished.”

Eating cake to manage distress is not “sustainable.” Over time, eating cake, or taking a few extra shots of tequila, mezcal or even a few more of those femmy margaritas, to cope with stress, is going to make you feel worse.

I tell you this because I know.

So, in keeping with the topic of self-acceptance, I want to gently remind you that the first step in managing your stress in a healthy way is to accept what it is. Shine a little light on it and accept it without judgement. Accept that sometimes when you are in distress, you may do things that are just plain unhealthy. Take your next step from a place of self-acceptance, without judgement and move on.

“Paso por paso,” is one of our favorite dichos at De Las Mías, and it works very well with managing your stress.

So, in the spirit of shining a gentle light on distress, see if you can’t come to terms with what is really going on. We want you awake and aware so you can take better care.

Moving forward, recognize the tell-tale signs of stress from the National Institute of Mental Health:

• Trouble sleeping
• Drinking more alcohol
• Overeating
• Feeling moody or cranky
• Having low energy
• Feeling down in the dumps

 

Use these tell-tale signs of stress to take extra care of yourself. Here are 9 things that mental health experts recommend for taking better care of yourself in times of stress:

1. Get regular exercise. A simple 30-minute walk will do wonders. It can lift your spirits and often change your mood.  
2. Eat well. When you are in a state of emotional distress, the last thing you need is a crazy diet. Nurture your body with good healthy food and cut back on sugars and junk food. (Start using our Healthy Lifestyle Checklist available on our App!)
3. Have fun. This seems obvious, but you would be surprised how many of us just stop having fun when we’re stressed out. Make a list of all the things you do for fun and do as much as you can to cheer yourself up.
4. Practice deep relaxation and/or meditation. Be mindful of the tension you hold in your body and letigo.
5. Protect yourself from people who criticize you or put you down. It’s okay to avoid mean people. You know who they are.
6. Don’t believe everything you think. When we’re beyond stressed, distress can impair your thinking. Distress es muy mentiroso…it can make you think things that are just not true. Be especially aware of self-put downs or mean things you tell yourself. Don’t believe it.
7. Drink water. As you drink it, become aware that you are doing a loving thing for yourself.
8. Ask for support. Reach out to your friends, comadres and sisters and share your feelings.
9. Reward yourself when you do any of these 9 things. And then reward yourself for rewarding yourself. ¡Eso!

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Sometimes, long-term stress turns into emotional distress.

Signs of Emotional Distress

When long-term stress turns into emotional distress, we need to watch for signs of depression.  

Recognize the signs of depression: If you have 2-3 of these signs over a period of 2 weeks or more, it’s time to get some help.  Talk to your doctor, clergy or mental health counselor if you experience 2-3 of these signs for more than two weeks.

• Feeling sad
• Trouble sleeping
• Sleeping too much
• Feeling like nothing is fun or enjoyable
• Feeling low energy
• Not feeling hungry
• Overeating
• Trouble concentrating
• Feeling hopeless
• Feeling like life is not worth living

Emotional stress can sometimes turn into anxiety.  

Recognize the signs of anxiety. Here are some signs of anxiety that you can watch for.  Talk to your doctor, clergy or mental health counselor if you experience 2-3 of these signs for more than two weeks.

• Constant or on-going worrying
• Feeling like you can’t relax
• Feeling irritable, moody, jumpy, or nerviosa
• Trouble sleeping
• Fears: like fear of the dark, fear of being alone, fear of crowds
• Heart symptoms like fast heartbeat, chest pains, tightness of chest

If you ever feel like you want to hurt yourself or have suicidal thoughts, please call this number: Call 1-800-273-8255. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Available 24 hours every day.

Spanish: 1-888-628-9454

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Sources:

Prochaska, Norcross, and DiClemente. Changing for Good, A Revolutionary Program for Overcoming Bad Habits and Moving Your Life Positively Forward.  Quill – HarperCollins. 2002.

The National Institute of Mental Health: http://www.nimh.nih.gov. 5 Things You Should Know About Stress. Retrieved 2/10/2019.

Kroenke, K., Spitzer, R., & Williams, J. (2001). The PHQ-9 validity of a brief depression severity measure. J GEN INTERN MED, 16, 606-613.

Maier, et. al. The Hamilton Anxiety Scale: reliability, validity and sensitivity to change in anxiety and depressive disorders. Journal of Affective Disorders. Volume 14, Issue 1, January–February 1988, Pages 61-68

Can We Talk About Self Acceptance? Look, we know the majority of us Latinas are overweight. And we know that being overweight and/or obese puts us at higher risk of prediabetes and diabetes. What you may not know is that it also puts us at risk for heart disease and even some cancers. Not to mention self-judgement, self-loathing and yo-yo dieting.

But how much good has it done for us to hate ourselves and go on stupid diets that don’t work? NADA.

¡YA! Enough. At De Las Mías we want you to do something different. It’s time to cambiar el chip. We want you to strive for living a healthier and more joyful life. By making small, healthy changes over time, we are sure you will be happier, healthier and much better off. And rather than beating yourself up and taking extreme measures that don’t work, we encourage you to take this approach and look at your health as a journey.

And believe us, it is a journey. Paso a paso, we will get to our destination:

Una vida más saludable that affirms our authentic selves.

So if you’re just joining us or if you’re already well on your way to a healthier, happier life, we challenge you to incorporate a novel concept into your journey…this novel concept is called Self-Acceptance.

Self- Acceptance 

Self-Acceptance means that you embrace yourself as you are now, without any judgements or criticism. Accept the good with the not so good; the good, the bad and the ugly como el Clint Eastwood.

Not so easy, for us criticonas, right? And if you are a perfectionist, may la virgencita have mercy on you, because self-acceptance is a very hard concept for those of us who criticize too much.

La neta, the truth is, that many of us are just not that kind to ourselves. How many times have you called yourself “tonta”? Be honest. How many times have you heard that little voice inside your head call you dumb, mensa, awkward, clumsy or fat? We are used to living in this good girl, bad girl world. Are you being good when you eat a salad and bad when you eat a donut? Can we just stop that please? Can we separate what we do from who we are?

Accept Yourself as You Are 

We want to challenge you to accept yourself as you are, without judgement, insults or dirty looks in the mirror. No exceptions.  

Here’s an old dicho from Pedro Infante, Mexican film icon and singer, that you may have heard. It was part of a song he sang to impress the ladies: “Soy quien soy y no me parezco a nadie.” It’s a bit like Popeye’s “I yam what I yam.” It means you are you and you aren’t like anyone else. And when you say that, “Soy quien soy,” you claim your uniqueness and your self-acceptance. ¡Eres, única! Embrace it and yourself as you are now, ¡Y ya!

Psychologists and human behavior experts, such as Dr. Pillay from Harvard University Medical School, are discovering the importance of self-acceptance as a foundation to general well-being and good mental health. New research is starting to prove that in order to make healthy changes, it is important that you start with the good foundation of self-acceptance.

Self-Acceptance Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Change

There is an important distinction that I want to make here. Practicing self-acceptance does not mean that you don’t want to change something or make improvements in how you live your life. But self-acceptance is a healthy foundation from which you can grow and change.  

To embark on your odyssey to self-acceptance, I’m offering some tips from positive psychology that you can take on your journey. Try this:

Learn to separate what you do from what you are. Those of you who are moms know this best. When you’re hijita does something bad, it doesn’t mean she’s bad. Making a mistake doesn’t make her a mistake. You just need to help her do better next time. Channel your own best mom and give yourself a break.  

Use Self-Acceptance to Get Yourself Out of Denial.

This is an important point for those of us who have a problem with overeating or eating to satisfy emotional hunger. In an earlier blog, I shared with you a trick that I learned to assess if I was emotionally hungry or physically hungry and I want to share it with you again. If I feel hungry and reach for a healthy snack like a handful of almonds, a yogurt or a pepino con chilito, and I feel satisfied, I know that I was physically hungry. If after my healthy snack, I still feel hungry, it’s a good bet that I am eating to feed an emotional hunger. When you make this discovery, just take it in without judgement. This is good information, a data point. Once you accept that you eat for emotional reasons, you can look for ways to change that habit. If you never accept this as something you do, you will keep repeating it. Self-acceptance is fueled by self-awareness. Awareness is always a good place to start.

Practice Mindfulness

You hear a lot about mindfulness these days. You can use mindfulness in all areas of your life. Basically, mindfulness is paying attention. It is becoming aware of yourself. It is paying attention to what you eat, how you listen, how you don’t listen, and how present you are in your own life.  

One mindfulness practice is to take a few minutes and just be with yourself. Simply observe how you feel and how your body feels, without judgement. Practice this kind of presence of mind and body without self-criticism or put downs. With time, you will start to feel a stronger connection to yourself.   

There is mounting evidence that self-acceptance can lead us to self-care, stronger self-esteem and better health. And at De Las Mías we are all about THAT!

Can you commit to self-care and showing yourself some Amor Propio?   

It can start with you doing nice things for yourself, like getting a massage, eating healthy food, drinking more water, going for a walk, meditating, asserting yourself, speaking up,  saying no when you mean no, and yes when you mean yes.

There are hundreds of ways to show ourselves acceptance and self-love and I want to challenge you to start practicing Amor Propio.

A Personal Story of Self-Love: Amor Propio

I want to share a personal part of my story with the hope that it may speak to you: I was born fat. I weighed 12 pounds 6 ounces when I was born in El Hospital Del Socorro in Nogales, Sonora, Mexico. I grew up fat until I got amoebas. Then, I was skinny for about a month until my mom and tías figured it out. They put on some kind of tratamiento and I got fat again. In school, because I was fat and tall, my friends used to call me Giant. My cousins called me Gorda; the ones who liked me called me Gordis. My mom, who thought being thin was next to godliness, had me on a diet until I was 18.  She was an early adopter of the Atkins Diet, and she had an eating disorder. Her favorite piece of advice was, “Ya no comas pan.” (Don’t eat bread, already.)

Whatever was going on there, let’s just say that bread was not my enemy. With the help of a well-intentioned mother, I grew up with a messed up body image and a list of forbidden foods. Even at 17 years old, weighing 140 pounds and a 5’7” frame, I still felt fat. I still thought that chocolate, tortillas, tamales, and bread were out to get me. At one point, I had a sign on the refrigerator that said, “Oreo cookies are the road to hell.”

It wasn’t until I hit my late 30s and found a therapist that I began to understand that what I needed more than Thin Within, Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, Low Carb, No Carb, Slimfast or even Overeaters Anonymous, was Self-Love. ¡Amor Propio!  That is what I needed and that is what I got, but it only took me 40 years.

So I’m hoping that my combination of disordered eating, messed up body image and a first class education in health education will help you avoid all those trampas and come out of it less beat up than I did.  

So, as you read this, I just want you to pretend that I am your maestra, your madrina, or your loving tía who loves you just the way you are. And this is your homework:

Make a list of things you can do for yourself that show you some Amor Propio.

¡Andale! Share your list with me at ana@delasmias.com and I will send you a surprise!

Just to get you started here’s my list. The things I do for love – self-love that is!

1. Me compro flores. Each week, I buy myself flowers. En el Safeway, they cost about 6 or 7 bucks. Carnations last the longest and they smell good and come in all colors.
2. In the summer, I grow my own dahlias, hydrangeas, roses and zinnias. Se siente bien suave, to put fresh flowers, that you grew yourself, into a pretty vase.  
3. I ride my bici every chance I get. I love myself on my bike, girl! I ride, rain or shine. No rain shower keeps me from my bici. And when I ride, I give that little girl, the one that used to be called Gorda a run for her money. I sing to myself while I ride. I really do. It’s super fun. (This little light of mine…)
4. I tell my legs how much I love them! I got some pretty bitchin legs. I’ll tell you what! Riding 5 to 7 miles a day on a bike will do that to a Super Mujer.
5. I eat vegetables, Sisters! Show your body some serious love by eating fruits and veggies. Learn how to make yourself a Jugo Verde and love yourself before you start your day.
6. I drink a boat load of water. Yeah, such a simple act of self-love. Take a page from our Creative Director, Shannon, and by yourself a beautiful water bottle and fill it with Amor Propio infused H2O. Make it count = 6 glasses.
7. No como comida chatarra. I don’t put junk food in my body…unless I’m on a road trip (Fanta and Cheetos!) But that is so rare, Poquito Porque Es Bendito!  
8. I look for people who laugh at my jokes. I call my seester every day and we make each other laugh. Miriam makes me laugh and Sati just cracks me up. Liz, being from Nogales, gets me like no one else does.
9. I make myself reach out! Sometimes I’m so busy pretending that I’m la mera mera fregona that I can take it in the chin like the machita that I am, and I go it alone. It don’t work. Call your comadre and tell her what’s going on in that heart of yours. Make sure she’s a kindred spirit so you don’t get hurt.
10. I treasure my sleep and don’t deprive my body of its magic.

So what do you do for self-love?

Make a list. Share it with me at ana@delasmias.com and I’ll send you a cariñito!

Sources:

Pillay, Srini, MD. Greater self-acceptance improves emotional well-being. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/greater-self-acceptance-improves-emotional-well-201605169546

University of Hertfordshire. “Self-acceptance could be the key to a happier life, yet it’s the happy habit many people practice the least.” ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 7 March 2014. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/03/140307111016.htm>.